Group memo

“Wow, You’re Skinny.”: Compliment or Socially Acceptable Jab?

Dear Author,

I’ve passionately read your discussion and manifested by the topic. I think your paper is very strong and efficient but possesses an aura to grab audiences’ attention. Most of your arguments are timely, relevant and compelling. Therefore, I think there is a great potential that the Commonplace will accept your papers if you reinforce or revise few minor parts. I gently leave some suggestions for you to help in improving your essay.

1. On the 1^st body paragraph, you mentioned that the image of models and celebrities stimulate the unhealthy image. As evidence, you supply a model being abandoned to work on runway because she possessed too big hip, although she is too thin to be compared other ordinary people. When I just read the paragraph, I thought that you actually planned to say that media is ‘pushing’ people to be thin. Therefore, I was looking for evidences, which were relevant to the first body paragraph. However, as I kept reading the paper, I realized that you actually wanted to say that the un-weighted people also have pros and cons themselves. In order to make your original claims more relevant, I think it would be better if you just remove the 1^st body paragraph, but replace the 2^nd body paragraph as your 1^st body paragraph.

2. From the second paragraph, you say that although under-weighted people seem to be satisfied with their current status, still, they have problems. To strength your claim, you compare the statues of under-weighted people and over-weighted people. It was helpful that you compare the difficulties each group, under-weighed and over-weighted, has possessed. However, as I kept reading your paragraphs, I felt little bit confused the point that you wanted to say. I think the paragraphs are not compelling enough to hook the audiences keep reading the words because the paragraphs seem to just compare the differences between the under-weighted group and over-weighted group. Therefore, I think, the essay would be more compelling if you emphasize under-weighted people’s situations, especially under-weighted people who are born with the characteristic, and their opinions and reactions more than the over-weighted people.

I think it is really intriguing that you are the one of people included in the under-weighted people. Explaining how you feel and think toward the ‘thinness’ was really helpful in understanding the people in the under-weighted group. Your essay is timely and compelling enough, so I think, if you revise just some of your essay, it would be accepted in the Commonplace and a lot of audiences would react so violently toward your topic. Again, it was a fortune that I have a chance to review your essay.

Sincerely,

So-Young Park

Individual Memo

Dear Author,

It was a pleasure that I achieve a chance to read your fascinating argument toward the “Issue –Two”, a law recently suggested in the assembly of Ohio State.

Even though you timely present the issue and make me feel compelled while I read the paper, I think it’s not effective enough to be displayed on the Commonplace. Therefore, I want to leave some comments on the paper to support you to revise the some of the parts and resubmit the paper.

Your general discussion is that Ohio State now holds “Issue-Two” law, a political Legislature that reduces and limits public servants’ benefits, such as wages and rewards, for good remuneration on their favor. You reflect negative opinion toward the issue because you think public servants, fire fighters and teachers, are significant in our society; therefore, you emphasized, they have rights to be rewarded.

About your opinion toward the sensational issue, I have several proposals and questions to improve and reinforce your claims.

1. On the second paragraph, you questioned that why the public servants don’t have a right for good logistics, good wages and good health care benefits; you said it is a “cheat”. As evidence, you mentioned the number of criminals and drug addicts, who are doubled annually. To be honest, I don’t catch any relationship between the reason that public servants have to obtain rewards and the increase rate of criminals. The claim and the evidence are not relevant. I think, your claim would be much better if you more specifically explain that ‘why’ the number of criminals are closely related to the public servants’ prizes; is it because the public servants, such as policeman and fire fighters have to contribute their efforts more to bring peace in the societies? Or is it because the number of public servants are too little compared to the number of criminals, therefore, the government should construct more reward to public servants to stimulate more people to be a public servant?

2. On the third paragraph, you do mention the rate of youth applying for the public servants would decrease, which results old people to stay in the position longer. I don’t understand why the old people keep their careers, as public servants would be unproductive and less attractive to youth. Of course, there are cons and pros that the old people keep their careers. You should clearly explain your claim and make it relevant to your evidences according to make your arguments more flow. I think the claim would be better if you stick to your original claim, the number of victims of public servants are increased, but the rewards and prizes for them are too unattractive to manifest people applying in public servants, and add evidence showing the number of people applying for the job are actually decreased.

3. On the third paragraph, you also suggest a solution, which doesn’t limit the public servants’ benefits but limit other wasteful expenses, such as increase taxation in buying cigarettes and liquors. I think you should separate the paragraph according to Stand out your suggestion more effectively. Furthermore, I gently suggest you to generate more than one solution, which makes the paper more compelling toward the audiences of the paper.

As I mention before, the argument of the paper is really good. I feel appreciated that I have chance to experience in reading compelling paper like this. Your paper would be more timely, compelling and relevant if you reinforce some of the points that I’ve suggested, and be displayed on the Commonplace.

Sincerely,

So-Young Park

Class Warfare

As we all know that class warfare is an open fight among classes in societies. In English 110, we discoursed that Class Warfare affects every one of us in societies that we live in. Class Warfare is not usual war with cannons or high-altitude bombers. I wish it was a gun fight. But, up till now, there have been times in our history where the guns have been turned on those who dare to confront the wealthy elite. Throughout history, societies have been divided into different collective subgroups based on their economic status, living styles and communal distinctiveness. As the article produced by NPR public news broadcast exposes that the first significant historical emerging of class families in our society was originally phrased by groups of social philosophers named Marx and Engels in 1848. The phrase Class Struggle was then used as a cartoon propaganda by socialists in politics to convince people about class violence against capitalism. In Communist Manifesto, Class Struggle falls into two social subgroups, the proletariat which includes “the working classes” and the bourgeoisie who called as “the upper classes or elite.” The articled released by NPR describes well about the backgrounds of Class Struggle. This Article also analyzed and compared the current class groups in the United States of America and how the only phrase “Class Warfare” becomes the top party-political agenda in American politics. I think this article was very interesting to read it and it just gives the reader a brief summary and contextual background of the phrase “Class Warfare”. I would also recommend you guys to read the article if you guys are interested on that. I am potentially hopeful that the article will give you brief info about the old and current class fights that are taking places across the world.

http://www.npr.org/2011/10/04/140874613/unlike-most-marxist-jargon-class-warfare-persists

Blog Post #9

Throughout this class, we have been working at becoming a better writer. I think that I have gained a lot of valuable knowledge throughout the quarter that will come in handy for me for a long time and all throughout my college career. In high school I obviously did a decent amount of writing, but it was never challenging writing. I was never graded that strictly, and I never felt challenged. I think this made this class a little harder for me than for some other people, just because I didn’t have the experience of writing a piece that took more than just simple thought and writing. It will have ended up to be a valuable experience for me though because I know that this experience will be extremely beneficial to me because throughout college because I will have to write a lot of pieces that, without this class, I wouldn’t otherwise be prepared for. I learned the various techniques and various ways to analyze sources and find sources. It also helped me take those sources, and look for ways to branch out and expand upon them, and connect them to other sources too. This will become very useful when I start to write a lot more scholarly pieces for classes throughout school, and even when it’s not for school, it will just always be helpful in any writing I do throughout the rest of my life. I am glad I took this class, because in the long run, the amount of work it took to learn, will more than surpass the benefits it provides me in the future.

Blog post #9

Through taking this English lectures, I realized that I still need to learn a lot.

I could realize that I've kept the narrowed point of view even though I though myself that I do have wider perspective compared to the others. However, when I learned about 'class warfare' and completed several papers, PSA, SSI and ARP, I recognized that I still need to understand people a lot and think in their points of view, not think in point of me. Furthermore, I did achieve a lot of writing skills while I took the lectures. Before I submitted ARP, I didn't really care about the formal writing rules. Nevertheless, by publishing gradually difficult paper, I recognized the importance of the methods and applied the structures to make my paper look better and persuasive to the audience. To be honest, my paper grades are not that good enough. However, I did learn a lot. Now, I know what MLA structure is, and also get an outline of writing analysis. I know the weak points that I have to reinforce and fix according to write the better paper and analysis. Although I did struggle a lot in writing and publishing papers, I did enjoy the time and grab chances to broaden not only my perspective, but also my writing skills. The classes were really helpful and they would support me to write better analysis when I take other subject lectures.

Blog Post #9

The senate found a way for a measure that would repeal a tax withholding program on government contractors and provide tax incentives for companies that hire veterans. President Obama has a job plan that plans to gain momentum in Congress. The job plan is to hurry the hiring process along with hiring veterans. Obama promoted this approach on Veterans Day just this year. There is a withhold on the tax however and congress is trying to take away that withhold. It is said that with this repeal will reduce federal revenues by $11 million in over ten years. This tax costs a lot of money so to do so the House passed another bill, which would also fix an error in the health care law that would allow free Medicaid for the poor. It has become a big struggle to let the Veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan go into work. I believe everyone should have the right to a job and apparently it’s hard for veterans to get hired. Obama is trying to make it easier for their right to get a job after coming home from war. He is trying to urge Congress to pass a tax credit of up to $9,600 for companies that hire veterans. The jobless rate for veterans of those wars is 12.1 percent and more than 850,000 veterans are without work. Veterans should not have to come home from war and not be able to work like the rest of us. They shouldn’t have to fight for their countries and not come home to not have as much of rights as the rest of us with jobs.

Blog post #8

After I did finish ARP, I realized that my perspective in the world was really narrow and shortsighted. I did think the topic 'in my standard', and judged all I've done was right, which resulted me to struggle in completing ARP papers. Now, I achieved that although the resources of my project is really astonishing and awesome to grab audience's glance, if I explain and narrate in only based on my opinion, knowledge and understand, the paper never can be a good project to keep the audience's attention. Therefore, I will go for how social events happening in the world relate to the social class warfare and affect the each classes by using different angles. I am thinking about applying topic that 'how laws and rules, such as health insurance law, in the world limit and restrict people in middle or working class to expand or keep their position'. I will analyze the topic by supplying the result of the laws first and gradually lay the reasons, how?and why?, the the middle class and social class are being affected. Furthermore, I will publish my opinion and answer toward the phenomena or events.